On the surface, this post is about ballet. But it's really about life... and the elusive "success" we are all chasing. The quest to feel "good enough" in our own skin.
My life philosophy revolves around these two terms:
Thoroughbred (noun): someone born with the genetics conducive to the physical demands of ballet (aka the "ballet body") plus the life circumstances that allow an advantage in the dance world; a dancer born with all the right cards:
1) Structural - genetic make-up & structural components are perfectly suited for ballet technique and the ballet line (open hip sockets, long slender bones, hyperextended joints, desired length of tendons & muscles to achieve a certain aesthetic & physicality, etc.).
2) Neurological - neurological wiring of natural born athletes; creates efficiency of movement so the exact muscles fire with the exact intensity with no wasted energy or crossfiring from unnecessary muscles.
3) Lifestyle - lifestyle factors & circumstances that allow for an ideal training environment & career set-up (family/social connections, financial stability, location of birth/access to elite conservatories, etc.).
Misfit (noun): someone with an insatiable passion to dance & live life full-out, yet encounters hardships (physical, mental, and/or logistical) that block fulfillment & success; constantly feels "less than" when comparing oneself to others; never feels good-pretty-smart-skinny-enough; held back by mental demons convincing you of being unworthy to be seen.
I'm a classic misfit and underdog. Always have been. Always will be. But that's not a bad thing... now that I've learned how to make it work for me.
As someone who has battled with extreme insecurities and low self-esteem my whole life, I know what it's like to feel not good enough... like you don't belong. Like you want to hide in the shadows... at the same time as aching to be seen & recognized.
Especially in the ballet world where you compete with thoroughbreds born and bred to be dancers, self-doubt and fear of failure can really get under your skin. Sure, we've programmed ourselves to put on a confident swagger & brave game-face when entering the studio, but that crippling insecurity can constantly eat away at you under the surface if you don't know how to control it. Even when you have a successful career on paper... you can still carry those nagging questions, "Am I good enough? Have I finally made it? Can I feel worthy of calling myself a dancer?"
If you are someone who questions your validity and value as a dancer (a.k.a. you're a misfit, even if you don't want to admit it), this post is for you.
In our field, there is no finish line. No definitive mark that proves you made it. No time to beat on the track or personal-best weight to lift. Your success is completely subjective... subjective both to the people around you and your own mindset.
No matter how hard you try, you can't control the subjective opinions & decisions of the external forces that shape your career -- contract and casting decisions by directors, peer & audience opinions, critic reviews, etc. All you can do is your best... and then accept that whatever happens is not necessarily a reflection of your worth. Because it's all subjective, you might not be rewarded for your efforts or get what you deserve. That sucks. But that's reality in this dance world. And it's better to recognize these things are out of your control than to beat yourself down thinking it's your fault.
But you can control your mindset... and the mental demons that threaten your self-worth.
Since you can't rely on any external validation to prove your worth in the ballet world, you have to find another way to build confidence & combat those mental demons. And it often has to be done outside the subjective ballet world. I created my BB Training and nutrition blueprint for this purpose. It comes down to doing tasks that show your mental demons you are in control and can make a difference. Tasks that put the power back in your hands and prove you are becoming a better version of yourself through your own efforts.
That's what this elusive "success" we are all chasing is really about. We want to feel like we matter. Like we are making the world a better place with our presence (provided you're not a psychopath). Sometimes we mix this feeling up with needing to be popular, famous, or rewarded by others. But those things are hollow and will leave you constantly seeking more external gratification. It's much simpler than that. Success is about building your confidence... so you can give more than you take.
You don't need to be famous or a thoroughbred to be valuable. You just need to feel good about yourself so you can give freely to the world through your art. It's the difference between dancing with passion and purpose versus for ego and fame.
Now, let me address the misfits directly: Don't you dare feel less than or inferior.
I know you might be embarrassed to admit you’re a misfit. But there's power in defying the odds.
In being the underdog and forcing your way into the game.
In getting beat down by life but getting up to try again.
In getting rejected, slapped in the face, & pushed aside... and still coming back for more.
In showing up to do your art even when you feel unwanted and unseen simply because you have a passion for it. Because you have something inside that can’t be contained – it must be expressed through this physical art you love.
Let that define you. Not those feelings that you don't belong & aren't good enough... but that you weren't set up for success... and still found a way. You weren't born on the same playing field but are determined enough to play the game anyway. That's bold. That's admirable. That's hard work. And there's almost nothing I respect more.
If there's anything I've learned in my time in this cutthroat profession (that I've been fighting through for more than 20 years now), it's that good doesn't always win and the deserved don't always get what they deserve. So, if you want something bad enough, you have to be willing to take it and not wait for permission or to be “put on.” That means not backing down when you are rejected or overlooked. That includes not allowing your mental demons to hold you back from doing things because they say you're unworthy.
Doing it anyway is your win.
Even if you never become one of the elites, that doesn't mean your art is unworthy. It doesn't mean you don't have something to say. It doesn't mean you can't make a difference with your art. It doesn't mean you don't deserve to dance or perform.
My demons tell me every single day that if I'm not the best, I'm worthless. And I have to battle those demons every single day in order to step into the studio. Sure, it's hard work to fight that self-doubt, but the alternative of staying safe and small and not entering the arena would be even harder. It would be soul-crushing.
Ironically, I found that it helps to recognize that you are a misfit when these demons start tearing you down. That takes the pressure off of trying to keep up this delusion of competing with the thoroughbreds. Acknowledging that you are different gives you the grace to pursue your own unique path... without comparing yourself to the elites.
Allow yourself to train different, be different, and seek what YOU need to improve & feel fulfilled, not what's popular or traditional. Your path might not look like the traditional path of a thoroughbred... because your life situation is not the same as someone born into a body with the ideal genetics or access to elite training. For example, you might not be able to take classes every day because you need to work multiple jobs to pay the bills. You might have a desire to pursue other experiences in life (having a family, hobbies/sports, going back to school, etc.). You might have other responsibilities and burdens that pull your focus away from ballet.
Sure, that puts you at somewhat of a disadvantage to the thoroughbred who can devote every waking hour to ballet. But don't think the only way you can make it in the dance world is to pursue the glorified traditional path of a ballerina where you are solely focused on ballet and devote all your time and energy to this singular purpose.
In fact, that's a good way to make yourself miserable. Trying to keep up with a pace that is physically impossible in your situation leads to burnout and injuries. Why do you think so many dancers quit at such a young age? Because it becomes too much of a burden to keep up and not enough reward. It’s exhausting, physically & emotionally.
As a misfit, you don't have the luxury of dedicating everything to ballet. No amount of self-delusion, obsession, or wanting is going to change that. But if you realize that and adapt your training, you have a better chance of avoiding injury and burnout, prolonging your career, preserving your body, and finding true fulfillment + success in your dancing.
You just have to play the game smarter. Train differently. Think differently. First, you need the self-awareness to recognize your situation -- that you're not a thoroughbred. Then, you need to be willing to train differently than the thoroughbreds.
That's how you stay in the game without destroying yourself with it.
PC: Javi Alvarez @javialvarez.co
The elusive "success" we are all chasing in the ballet world can't be found in the ballet world because of its subjective nature. True fulfillment and success can only be built. And when you're a misfit...it has to be BUILT NOT BORN.
You DON'T need to be born a thoroughbred to be successful.
But you DO need to train differently than one.
Let me show you how.